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[Poem] Autumn's Bounty


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#1 Menno

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 12:58 AM

[Autumn's Bounty]

Blankets of fog break over the car like wispy, gray-frothed waves,
Flood into open windows at seventy miles per hour,
Wrap me in cold, humid folds; fill my lungs with crisp night air.
Mischievous wind and tired mind set cloudy streets to dancing.
Waltzing, dream-spun shapes of mist captivate a romantic heart.
Lonely rural lanes explode into a mad ballet of windborne leaves,
Curve past antique country villas; a rainwater ballad plays on tin roofs.
Roadside scarecrows cast long shadows across their dying fields.
Their lifeless faces shoot manic smiles into searching headlights.
Fall foliage forms orange and yellow carpets under bare oak trees,
Waiting for the rakes of old men, and the excited hollering of young boys
As they leap into the soft leaf piles that are the autumnís bounty.


Critique? Please, someone? I feel like this forum is rather dead....

#2 Menglong

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 03:28 PM

I hate critiquing . . . . so please forgive me, but here you go:

It's a beautiful picture you have painted and it makes me think of northern California, somewhere around Carmel, or even farther north (someplace called Crescent Moon Cove/Bay if I remember the name correctly). Regardless, the picture is beautiful.

The question I have is, what's the point? It seems you are missing the line or two that ties the vision together - Does it do something to you? Does it cause an emotion? Bottom line is, other than paint a picture what are you trying to say to the audience?

(Sorry - I really do hate to critique)

Meng

#3 Menno

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 04:25 PM

I don't claim any deep meaning here. My intent was only to convey the imagery of the scene to arouse emotion in the reader.
It's prety void of any purpose or expression beyond that; I guess that could be considered a failing, but i'm not sure how I would turn this inot anything more than what it is.

#4 Menglong

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 05:08 PM

You don't need deep meaning, you just need meaning.

Why is it you chose this particular scene? What emotion are you attempting to arouse? Does it arouse an emotion in you? If so, what emotion is it? Are you attempting to arouse the same emotion in others that it does in you?

Meng

#5 Menno

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Posted 12 October 2004 - 10:13 PM

My intent was merely to illustrate the beauty in the simple things we take for granted. An expression of the idea that something as mundane as raking leaves can hold beauty that we fail to notice in everyday life.




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